Friday, 24 March 2017

State Of Mind

    Black Cotton Shirt - H&M | T-shirt - Forever 21 | Fishnet Tights - Primark 

First of all I'd like to say that IT FINALLY FEELS LIKE SPRING! I am so excited about it being warmer. Spring is such a beautiful season. We have more sunshine, warmer weather, everything is alive again, the flowers & new life and of course Easter! But want to know the real reason why I'm so excited for Spring? New clothes. Yes, that's right. A new season brings an abundance of pastel shades, crop tops, short skirts and denim jackets. I'm in my element! It's a relief to get out of the hats and bulky coats. 

And just look at this complete babe of a top I'm wearing. It's a top I've always dreamed of wearing because it's the ultimate hippie/boho piece of clothing. Oh, it's so 90's too!  It's such a gorgeous tie dye - pastel pink and blue are fast becoming new favorite shades of mine. Not to mention the really awesome slogan too. It's a weird little smiley face that reminds me of Nirvana and the words 'State of Mind'. I absolutely love it and the words mean a lot to me too. 
The fabric of this top is sooo soft. I find that all the tops from Forever 21 are super soft cotton and it just feels incredible. I can see myself wearing this top non stop through out the Summer. It's still a bit chilly so I've got my lovely black long sleeved top from H&M on underneath for extra warmth. I've got my amazing denim shorts on from Primark and my beloved fishnets on for added sassiness! 

Do you like the tie dye trends?
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Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Black Velvet & Motorhead

Black Velvet Dress - Vintage | Fishnet Tights - Primark | Boots - ASOS 

This little dress has been in my wardrobe for four years now! I love this dress so much, I have it in three different colours! One thing I always think about when buying new clothes is, "will i still be wearing this in a few years time?" I think it's important buying clothes that last as whats the point in buying a dress and wearing it a few times? Saying that though, I am guilty of buying soooo many clothes and forgetting what I have in my wardrobe hehe.

What do you think of the fluffy cuffs? They're so cute aren't they! My mum actually sewed the fluff on to give it an extra touch and it's worked so well. DIYing clothes is so fun and makes it personal and special to you! Summer is coming up and I can't wait to start making more DIY clothes!
I think this is one of my favourite looks of this month. I love my fishnets and I am so so so glad that Primark have improved the quality of these babies!

By the way everyone, this lipstick is called 'Motorhead' by Kat Von D. I absolutely love this shade. I got it last year as a present and I can't believe it's lasted me until now. The smell of this lipstick is incredible. The staying power is amazingggg but my only problem is that it crumbled a little and feels a little cakey. Still, I love Kat Von D lipsticks! I am yet to try something else from her beauty range! I might have to try the eyeliner as it feels wrong not to! What do you think of her beauty products?

Do you like the goth vibes from this pretty outfit? 
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Sunday, 19 March 2017

Feeling Low & Going Through A Hard Time...

All images included in this post our not ours and are found on Pintrest via Google.
Hey everyone, this is a very different post to what you usually find on our blog Cyber Mermaids but I wanted to be honest with all of our lovely readers and tell them whats going on in my life. Plus I always think a good rant and talk is good for the soul, heart and mind.

So as you can probably tell from the title of this post, I'm going through a really shitty time right now. Things have been shit for the past few months, especially since January of this year. Me and my boyfriend haven't been getting along for a long time which is so sad to write as at the beginning of our relationship, we used to be best friends... soul mates in fact and everything was so so so good. He was my first ever boyfriend which is so unusual for a 19 year old but I was waiting for the right one :) and I thought I'd finally found him :) so the first few months of our time together was so sweet and lovely. We made each other so happy and we both helped with each others confidence. I thought we would spend our lives together because that's how right we were for one another. It's crazy how one person can make you feel so happy and loved. I treated him as my number one and vise versa.

Cracks started showing when I had a feeling his mum didn't like me, she even called me 'that Rachel' like I was a dog or a piece of dirt, the worst thing is my boyfriend didn't even think that was horrible which is fucking weird I think. I just got on with things and did my best to try and get along with her. We'd been going out for a few months now and I'd still hadn't met his friends. I was worried as I thought I meant we weren't in a 'serious' relationship. I brought it up and we both fought but decided I'd meet his friends soon. Another one of my worries was that whenever we went to his house, we would never ever go out. Most couples go on dates, we didn't.

Weeks go by and I still haven't met his friends or been on a proper date or even go out shopping in his home town. I felt like he was ashamed of me, I felt like his secret girlfriend. These feelings were made 100% worse because we had a long distance relationship. Ever week he would come visit me after a three hour train journey and spend a few nights at mine and then I go back to his with him.
I got pissed of at staying in the house 24/7 when we were at his, so I eventually stopped going. That was another massive crack in our relationship.

Weeks and weeks went by and I could literally feel the distance growing between us. Sure, he would come and visit me but things just felt different. He put his friends before me and wouldn't text me for hours and it was pretty clear that I wasn't his first priority. We started arguing more and wouldn't cuddle as much :( Our 'first' breakup was in January of this year but my heart was breaking so much. After a two weeks of barely talking and a lot of tears we decided to get back together. I was so happy but also a little nervous. I thought we could work through our issues and be happy again. We've had a few happy times this year but the arguments got more frequent and I just felt like I couldn't bring up my worries and insecurities. I just felt like our relationship was in pieces. We were arguing every week plus we barely saw each other anymore, he would visit me every few weeks and I didn't want to go to his house anymore as I hated being stuck in and feeling like his secret.

Now, I sit here feeling really sad and alone. I don't know how to feel, think or what to do. I think we're finally over. We had a yet another argument the other day and I'm literally feel numb. We haven't talked for a few days now and I feel so broken :( In my head I know our relationship is over but my heart is crying and is so confused. I know we're not meant to be a couple anymore but I still love him, I wish we could still be together and make things work but I know it's just wishful thinking. I loved him so much and i still do. I can't just switch off my deep feelings for him, I thought we would be together forever but obviously not. Right now, I feel like a shell of myself. I haven't even cried as I literally can't, I am   n u m b. The thoughts of him moving on and him not being in my life anymore rips me apart... I can't even think of it.

Sure we had bad times but we had some really great times too and that's what I will remember and be thankful for. I will never regret this chapter of my life. It was a lesson and I've learnt a lot. I feel so sad, all I can think about is our good happy times and I wish it could've stayed like that. Why couldn't our relationship work? It makes me so sad wondering why everything went so wrong.

Well, I guess I should finish this post now. I feel so alone but I know I'm not. If any of you guys are going through this then I hope I've helped. Thanks for reading and please leave a comment as they really do make me smile.

I hope you're all having a lovely weekend,
Love Rachel x x x 
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Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Feminist Mermaid

Feminist tee - H&M | Black Top - Forever 21 | Shorts - New Look | Tights - Primark | Creepers - New Look | Backpack - Boohoo

Hello everyone, sorry for the lack of blog posts last week. I was on a hair and makeup course in college! It was only for a week but I am so so so proud for myself. Because of a bad school experience, I struggle with really bad anxiety and social anxiety especially. Because of these problems, I never ever ever thought I would go to college but I did! I can't even believe that I'm writing this because I never thought this anxiety would get easier. For the last few years I've been taking little baby steps like going to the shops by myself, paying at the till which was so hard for me at the beginning and three years down the line I do a college course! I am just so proud of myself. Believe in yourself girls and you can do anything! Because of my week in college last week, I discovered how much I love doing hair. I love beauty but hair is my passion! So guess what everyone? I'm actually going to college to study hair in September! I can't wait! It will be challenging some days with my anxiety as I think it truly never goes 100% (I Had anxiety before my problems) but it does get easier and besides, I get to learn all about one of my favourite passions in life... Hair! 

So when I got home from college last week, Rachel wanted to snap some pictures of this outfit that I'm wearing. This t-shirt is my go-to shirt as a gorgeous fit, blush pink and GIRL POWER! Yeah, I would describe myself as a feminist. I believe it equality and believe we should all be treated equally so when I saw this 'feminist' shirt in H&M, it was straight in my hands. I love the lettering. I love how the i's in feminist are little roses, it's a lovely delicate look. The fit of this tee is especially amazing and I the quality is so so so good, Best thing is that this top was only £8! That's cheaper than some of the tees in Primark nowadays! This is a great tee that I wear with pride :) What do you think of my new sparkly backpack from Boohoo? I absolutely adore it. I love all the different colour sparkles, the purple and blue go so beautiful together! It's the perfect backpack for all the mermaids out there.

Are you a Feminist too?
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Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Alternative Meets Boho Vibes

Right after taking these blog pictures me and Leah ate some delicious home made cookies made by me during the day! Best of all is that these cookies are 'healthy' cookies! I might start blogging my favourite recipes soon on the blog as I love baking and most of all eating my bakes I make during the day! Today's recipe is healthy blueberry pancakes, yum!

On to the post now and I decided to pair my outfit with this cute boho style hairband I found in the sale of Urban Outfitters a few years ago! I love this headband as it's such good quality velvet and the style is so fashionable and can be worn everyday with every outfit. I've only recently started wearing my headbands again and I don't know why I ever stopped. They are perfect for bad hair days or when your hair feels greasy. I mainly wear my hairbands when I do my yoga and pilates in the evening but I love it so much that I'm trying to incorporate hair bands into my daily style and everyday outfits! I'm wearing my headband in a different way than I usually do, I mainly wear them on my head and not slightly on my forehead but I'm loving this new look! I think wearing it this way makes it look more boho and hippie which I love!

                           What do you guys think of this bohemian twist to my everyday look?  
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Monday, 6 March 2017

February Beauty Favourites | 2017

Hey everyone, this post is all about our February Favourites which is mostly (when I say mostly, I mean all) beauty products! What girl can't resist going into Boots or Superdrug and not buy some makeup? I'm honestly addicted to makeup and I can never have too many beauty products! So lets see what products that were recently added to my makeup stash!

L'Oreal Perfection Crayon True Match Concealer 'Ivory' - This concealer is so creamy and blends just like a dream. I'm really happy I tried this concealer out as it does the job perfectly. It covers my imperfections, covers redness and dark circles and stays put of hours. This concealer also doesn't feel oily like some crayon concealers I have tried. I have acne prone skin and this doesn't break me out at all! What's not to love?

Bellapierre Lipstick 'Catwalk' - Mmmm what can I say about this beautiful lipstick? Well first off, it smells like cake! I hadn't heard of this brand at all and my mum and dad bought me and Leah this gorgeous lipstick for our 20th birthday last month. This is actually a mineral lipstick which means it does nothing but goodness for our lips! This shade is called 'Catwalk' and its a pretty pink that looks natural and beautiful. I can imagine Audrey Hepburn wearing this lipstick in Breakfast At Tiffany's. This lipstick almost feels like a lip balm as it's so hydrating. It's pigmented and stays on for ages without drying my lips out. It's perfect to say the least. I already have some other shades of Bellapierre lipsticks on my wishlist!

Maybelline Eyeliner Master Precise - Perfect eyeliner for feline flicks. This eyeliner is so pigmented and so easy to apply. It isn't called Master Precise for nothing you know ;)

L'Oreal Miss Manga Eyes Mascara - My mum actually bought us this as we were obsessed with manga/anime a few months back! This mascara really does give the effect of big, dolly like doe eyes! My lashes look almost false with this mascara! Even my bottom eyelashes look amazing and super long! This mascara doesn't clump either which is a miracle to be honest haha. Seriously the best mascara for big dramatic lashes!

Maybelline Brow This Way Brow Powder 'Soft Black' - This product has only really just hit the shops and I was straight at Boots to purchase it! I was happy to see that the new Brow This Way powder comes in the shade 'Soft Black' which is the perfect shade for my brows. This product is so amazing! AMAZING! Because it's a powder, my brows look so natural and filled in and defined. There is just nothing bad about this product at all!

Maybelline Dream Brightening Booster 'Universal/Blanc' - I always want the underneath of my eyes to look beautifully highlighted but until Dream Booster I hadn't found something that done the job! Maybelline's brightening booster is a creamy formula that blends so easily. My skin looks alive after using this! I got the shade blanc which can be used on all skin tones and I think this shade is for the most dramatic highlighted look. If you want your hightlighter on fleek then go get this girls!

L'Oreal Infallible Blush Paint Chubby 'Tangerine' -  This chubby blush paint is p-e-r-f-e-c-t! The smell is so fruity and sweet I wish I could eat it haha. This is shade Tangerine and it's the perfect colour for Spring/Summer. All you need is one swipe of this and then you blend but don't worry, it's so easy to blend! My cheeks look pinched with colour all day long!

L'Oreal Infallible Total Cover Foundation 'Light Sand' - FAVOURITE foundation ever!! I never ever ever thought I would day that about a foundation but they day has come when I have found my one and only foundation; enter L'Oreal Infallible Total Cover! The shade 'Light Sand' is perfect for my skin which is on the pale side. Recently I have felt like shit because my skin had been terrible. I would wake up with so many spots and pimples I felt like crying. I even hid away from using makeup in fear it would make me break out even more! Luckily, this foundation doesn't block pores at all so already I couldn't wait to use this. I can't even begin to describe how amazingly brilliant the coverage of this foundation is. It's a thick consistency, almost mousse like and it blends super easily into the skin. I gently pat this onto my skin and my skin looks so flawless. Redness, uneven skin tone and dark circles are covered completely. The coverage is matte but at the same time great for dry skin too. I have oily skin and even my skin stays completely matte. The staying powder is just amazing. If you feel insecure, upset and unconfident about your skin then you need this foundation in your life. It's honestly a life saver. It's made me feel like me again in my own skin. Its confidence in a tube.  

What are your favourites from last month? Spot any of your favourites in our post? 
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Thursday, 2 March 2017

Our Eating Disorder Story - NATIONAL EATING DISORDERS AWARENESS WEEK 2017.

Image from internet - The Veggie Expat.
Tired, freezing cold, starving, depressed, anxious and just wanting to die. Yes, that statement might shock you but this is our eating disorder story - it's not going to be pretty. Are they even words to describe the pure Hell an eating disorder brings? Words will never be enough but I need to try. I want to raise awareness and bring hope to all those who are suffering from a monster living inside their head. This most may be triggering to those with ED's but hopefully not - I know the triggers and will not mention calories or weight whatsoever whole the whole of this post.

Where it All Began:
We were 15, fresh out of dropping out of school and being home schooled because of being bullied relentlessly. We had social anxiety and school was a living Hell - making every single day a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.  ''We're free!'' we thought as mum and dad told us we no longer had to attend school, ''We have no worries now!''. 
How wrong we both were. 
As the weeks went by and it turned into Summer 2012, we both began subconsciously, cut out food. The next thing we knew, it was a fast downward spiral. Beforehand, I hadn't ever been bothered about food before - it was just a necessity like air or water. Time went on and I noticed that my twin sister Rachel was throwing food away, hiding it, she began exercising and I instantly copied her because we always do everything together. She was my other half  and back when I was a vulnerable 15 year old, I felt like we needed to do everything the exact same. Same hair, same makeup, same interests, same personality and now, the same eating/diet. 
As I began restricting my food, I became obsessed with my image. ''Do my legs look fat?'' or ''Rachel is way skinner than me'' were sentences constantly in my head. I took photos of my body complusively, hating myself with a passion and wanting to punish myself for being 'fat'.
By November 2012, me and Rachel were sat down by our devastated Mum and Dad. We were told we had anorexia. At first, I was in shock - no way would I ever have anorexia. The weeks went along and it became apparent to me and Rachel that something was seriously wrong. I was scared of food, calories, I was exercising for hours every day and my LIFE was consumed by the voice in my head that was determined to kill me. I woke up everyday and wanted to die, the hours were like days but nothing made me feel able to recover, the voice was too strong.

2013 - Worst Year of My Life.
2013. It brings me feel so sad and heart broken to even think about that year. How could my own mind make me so mentally sick that my life had become a live action horror movie? My body was exhausted, my demon in my head stronger than ever and I was starving & exercising myself to death. Nobody could help - how can you help someone that won't listen, that doesn't truly care? I was so hungry and then something else enters my life - another eating disorder. Binge/purge/restrict. I had massive binges - me and Rachel were a team when it came to our eating disorders - we'd encourage each other, support each other and when the hunger became too much, we'd binge together. 
The binges would last all day, from the moment I'd wake up to bed time. Chocolate, whole packs of biscuits, cakes, over 40 chocolate bars, doughnuts - literally anything you can think of - I ate it. 
I'd go to bed unable to walk, my stomach distended to such porpotions that I thought I'd actually explode or throw up in my sleep and choke and die. 
The guilt was overwhelming. I'd cry, exercise for hours and after a massive binge, I wouldn't eat at all and see how long I could go before binging yet again because I'd literally forgotten how to eat. 3 meals a day and snacks wasn't enough - I needed to binge/restrict/purge
And so that was the cycle. Starvation and bingeing, then a massive purging through exercise and sometimes laxatives. I wanted to die but I never ever wanted to recover. I was terrified. I WAS my eating disorder, I was starvation, I was bingeing. I wasn't human anymore - I was dead inside and so my life continued like this until 2015. Towards 2014, I was nearly dying. I lived for binging on food while fearing them so much. I craved to look sick, to look emaciated and to feel starved. I took photos constantly, hating myself, not wearing nice clothes because I 'didn't deserve to". I was mentally ill and therapy didn't help at all, nothing did. 



My Breaking Point & Recovery.
Recovery was something that, to put it simply, scared the shit out of me. As i mentioned earlier, I was my eating disorder - it defined my being, it was my life. But at the same time, I felt myself becoming more and more depressed at living my life like this - at living my life as an eating disorder. I was sick of feeling pathetic, a failure, I hated hating myself and pushing my parents away. I'd had enough. I wanted out of it and it wasn't my choice to live like this. I never wanted to be mentally ill but now, as it turned Spring of 2015, something snapped inside my head. Something deep inside of me said "you only get one life, do you want to live it like this?". 
I remember the day when I said to my mum that I wanted to recover. Both my parents had spent my eating disordered years crying, miserable, and helpless to me and Rachel. I had ruined their lives since 2013 but now, in 2015 I decided enough was enough. I wanted my life back and I wanted my mind back.
The voice was still in my head as I tried to recover. ''If you don't like eating like this then you can always starve again'' it told me. But guess what? Recovery, even in the first few days, hours even, made me feel alive for the first time in years. I recovered by cooking all my own foods and eating clean in the beginning - it was an obsession to eat clean at the start but then it turned into a way of life and as I realized food wasn't the enemy, I introduced everything and anything into my diet. However, in the beginning of recovery, eating pure whole foods make me feel incredible and I recommend it to anyone who is wanting to recover from an eating disorder. I'm a firm believer that as calories increase, the voice goes quieter and quieter. Eating healthy allowed to me to feel strong enough mentally to raise my calories to the highest thy'd ever been and I felt amazing. I was happy, my skin was improved and I was finally free.
Recovery was the hardest thing I had to do and some days I felt like I was back to square one but I NEVER gave up. I told my eating disorder to fuck off and it worked!  
My clean eating is now in a balanced way, I eat in moderation and exercise to keep my body fit and my mind healthy. I never deny myself anything, I can eat out anywhere I want, order desserts, go out for drinks with my boyfriend... I can do anything because I'm no longer controlled by my mental illness. 

I'm not going to say I'm perfect and fully recovered because I'm not but damn, I'm almost there. I'm so close to not even thinking about food negatively and you know what? It feels so good. I hope this inspires even just one person to recover because remember, you only get one life. Don't waste it on being sick. Find that inner strengh, you'll have days when you don't feel as strong and want to breakdown but you've got this. You can beat this. No matter what, it is possible to recover and lead a healthy, happy life. 

Please share this post, I'd love for as many people as possible to see it so I can encourage others to get help and support. Thank you so much for reading. xxx

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